Oct 24, 2007

Domestic violence is one those subjects that I don't having any firsthand experience with, but I do have a friend, who is more like a sister, that went through it. For the longest time I blamed myself for what happened to her. I felt as though I let her down as a friend. I left her to go to college and by my leaving she was left to fend for herself. I mean in my mind I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to her, but it still doesn't remove the guilt I feel when I look at her. Maybe if I had been around I could have noticed the signs and gotten her the help that she needed, but I wasn't there and that is something that I will have to live with.

The way I found out that her boyfriend was beating her was completely by chance. I knew she would have never just volunteered the information to me had I not forced it out of her. I had just come home from school for spring break. As soon as I laid eyes on her I could immediately tell that there was something different about her. The once beautiful and vivrant person that I called my friend wasn't there anymore and in her place was an empty shell of a body that housed no soul. I asked her what was going on and after some long prodding she finally confided to me what was happening in her life and I was completely stunned. I didn't know whether to break down in cry or round up my people and go and lynch that fool. The entire situation was crazy. She told me about how he one time he had beat her in the alley behind her house and dragged her by hair while pouring soda on her or the time he punched her in the face while she was holding her daughter. But the thing that she told me that completely left me stunned was how he had kicked her in the stomach when she was pregnant causing her to lose the life that was growing inside her. The entire situation left me sickened wit a feeling of complete helplessness. I was so angry. I was angry at him for what he had done to her, but I was also angry at her for allowing him to do it. The entire situation reminded me of Eve's song 'Love Is Blind'. It was right around the time her song dropped that my girl was going to her situation.

That was almost ten years ago. Although my friend was able to get out the situation she has never been the same. That bright light that use to shine from her eyes is just a twinkle of what it use to be. The girl with all the hopes and dreams has now been replaced with someone else. When her ex beat her he didn't just damage her body he damaged her soul and crushed her spirit. She has a long road to recovery ahead of her, but I will be by her side every step of the way. You see when a person is involved in a violent relationship it doesn't just affect that person and his/her immediate family. It affects the friends and anybody else who loves and admire that person. So although I wasn't there when she was going through it I can help her get through it. She is one of the fortunate ones to go through domestic violence and live to tell the tale.

So this one is for you friend. You continue to be a beacon of hope for me. I pray one day you can see your beauty the way the rest of the world sees it. Although he tried to destroy you he did not kill you. You are still here and God has a purpose and a plan for you. So don't ever give up on your dreams. Keep striving and believing. Hold your head up high. You are a survivor and you are still here. I love you my sister.

If you are in a domestic violent relationship or know of someone in one please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). There is no need to be silent.

Eve f/ Faith Evans - Love Is Blind (unedited version)


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