Mar 12, 2008

Ms .Understood wrote:

Q. I have been a relationship with a wonderful man going on three years. The topic of marriage has been coming up a lot lately, but I am having my doubts. I mean don’t get me wrong the man is perfect in every way. He’s a good provider, he’s smart, caring, loving, and everything I’ve every wanted in a man. I know you are probably asking what the problem is, but please let me explain. See my problem is our love life or lack there of one. Whenever we do have sex I’m lucky if it last five minutes. He gets his, but I never get mine. It’s like he doesn’t even try to make an effort to please me. I try to bring it up but he always get defensive and says that my only focus is sex and how I always focus on the negative and not the positive. Even my girlfriends have told me I am crazy. “You have a good man,” they would say. Am I crazy for wanting to break up with a perfectly wonderful man simply because he is unable to give me the pleasure I so richly desire? I don’t want to cheat on him, but I don’t see any other option other than to break up with him. Am I putting too much emphasis on sex in my relationship?

A. FIVE MINUTES, Hell Naw……. Damn, you need at least a good 20 minutes to get yours (that's if a brother knows what he is doing)!!!! LET DAT NEGRO GO!!!!!!!!! Ms. Understood, it really doesn’t sound like he’s so perfect to me. In the past, I’ve been with a number of women who either had a boyfriend or were married. Most, if not all, were unhappy with their significant other because he was garbage in bed. For some odd reason, men are having a hard time understanding that GOOD sex is a must for the majority of women out there. Look, you can have all the silver and gold in the world, but if your mate isn’t putting that thang on you, you will cheat sooner or later. Don’t settle! Love what you like! But on the flip side, make sure all options are explored before you make any drastic decisions. After all, a good man is hard to find. However, your happiness is what counts; don’t sacrifice it for anything!!!!!!!! As for your friends, don’t let their opinions shape your decision because in the end you have to live with the decisions you make. Besides, if they feel like everything out weighs good sex then they haven’t had good sex. By the way, you complaining about lack of sex is a positive and not a negative. Some women won’t complain, they’ll just hold it inside and then eventually they find themsselves in the arms of another man. Brutha man needs to be grateful that you care enough about the relationship to come to him with the problem. Little does he knows, good sex will keep him in da game!!!!!!! Don’t let him take you for granted anymore! He needs to go above and beyond in pleasing you and that icludes oral sex (yeah, there are some bruthas who do it). If he is not willing to do these things then ride out!!!!! Remember, your Happiness [an emotion in which one experience feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy] is what counts! Just DO YOU!!!

*** The views expressed by ThePlayer does not reflect the views of The Savvy Sista. ThePlayer will be answering your questions every Monday and Wednesday. He can be reached at


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