May 21, 2008

I have read the recent stories that Shania Twain's 14-year marriage might be over because of alleged infidelities on her husband's part, possibly with his assistant.

I attended a relationship seminar years ago where the love doctor told the group that there are negotiable and non-negotiable relationship issues, and that infidelity is negotiable. That men are not monogamous by nature, and that some women are the same way. She said that most couples who have been together for twenty-plus years have experienced it, learned from it, and found a way to forgive and stay together. I suppose Hillary Clinton would be one well-known example. The love doctor suggested that the main non-negotiable issues relate to situations involving violence, abuse of any kind, or financial improprieties.

Is monogamy natural? Have you ever stayed with someone who fooled around on you? To all the wives, would you head straight to divorce court if your husband broke his vows and cheated, or try to get counseling and work it out? Inquiring minds wanna know?


  1. Married 20 yearsMay 22, 2008 at 6:47 AM

    It always amazes me the excuses people come up with to justify a man's infidelity. "Men are not monogamous by nature" or my personal favorite "a man is going to be a man." If a man canno control his urge to cheat then he is no greater than the animals that he is supposed to have dominion over. The same can be said for women who share the same sentiment. I believe there are a lot of factors that contribute to a person cheating. Sometimes it's not just about sex. Sometimes it's about how that other person make you feel. I think it is crucial for all married couples to seek counseling. Marriage is not easy and it should not be entered into lightly. It takes hard work and sacrifice and you have to be willing to put forth the effort. Woman also need to think about the part they played in facilitating their husband's cheating ways.

  2. For me personally, I think cheating is a deal breaker. The foundation of my marriage is trust and honesty. I took my vow very seriously when I stood before my pastor and God. I love my husband dearly, but I know for a fact if th shoe was on the other foot he would never forgive me. I know I could forgive him, but I would never forget.

  3. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. I agree that we tend to make excuses for a man who cannot control his urges. Being faithful is a definite requirement. Vows are valued. And yes, sometimes infidelity is a true signal something deeper in the relationship. Thanks to you both.

  4. Forgiving a cheating spouse...extremely difficult yet if done, a powerful testament to the love you have for one another. Having gone through a very difficult situation recently I know Cheating definitely hurts like nothing else, to the core, it shatters you completely. But, reconciliation is possible and although difficult, you can totally turn your marriage around and create something much better than before. It takes lots of hard work, newfound commitment from both partners, willingness to forgive, and most of all love. Couples have to realize that they still love each other and the hurt partner, most of all, has to learn to hold his or her resentment and anger, so that the love will grow once again. (ofcourse, after therapy and talking through the hurt).

  5. Are their any circumstances that would make infidelity forgiveable by either spouse? What about when one partner has stopped wanting to be intimate but the other still wants and needs sexual loving in concert with love from the heart? What about if the woman goes through menopause or has a hysterectomy, won't or can't take hormones to help her become sexually active with her mate? There are also those people, men included, that allow there physical self to change to the point that the attraction is gone. Yes love overlooks alot, but there's also the bio-chemical response triggered by visual stimuli and if it's not there any more...what then? After all, and in truth, physical attraction was probably the first element between them, then communicaiton, hopefully friendship, closeness, hopefully marriage then coupling.

    What if the partner that needs to regain so modicum of their form or figure refuses to do anything to change? There are couples that became intimate before love or marriage then married because of child and stay together because of children there was no real true love to bond them together.

    I'm aware of the spiritual tenants and mandates and hopefully they are enough to prevent infidelity, but that isn't realistic in the moral atmosphere of today so the need for forgiveness if by chance one partner goes beyond temptation is important. Circumstances are big variables, not justification, just variables that influence what happens.

    So what do you think ladies.