May 30, 2008

By: Niambi Brown Davis

At first glance the shot of brown-skinned women in sterile gowns and masks resembled a class photo of medical professionals fresh out of the lab. Then I read the title – “Pregnancy becomes the latest job outsourced to India.” Attended to by a team of doctors, maids and cooks, the 15 women served as surrogates for infertile couples from all over the world, including an American couple featured later that week on a TV morning show. They had tried every other method; a solution half way around the world seemed to be their last hope.

I can’t imagine the heartbreak of a couple who tries and repeatedly fails to conceive. Emotionally and physically, it must be exhausting –from orchestrating sex around ovulation all the way to side effects of powerful drugs designed to make conception possible. For those who choose the route of in vitro fertilization, the cost is steep. According to one article, it can range from 10,000 - $15,000 per try, draining to the mind, body and pocketbook.

“Why don’t you adopt,” a reporter asked the couple who chose to use an Indian surrogate mother. Perhaps she was asking the question she thought viewers wanted to hear. I don’t think she was making a judgment, but I’m sure somewhere in TV Land, brows furrowed and fingers wagged. I’ll bet they could care less; for this couple, the only thing that mattered was the joining of his sperm and her eggs to make their baby.

It was easy for me to have children, even that late in life, almost out of time pregnancy. To this day, I can recall every minute of each labor and delivery. No other joy in the world compares to holding each of my children for the first time, so I understand the desire for that particular joy. On the other hand, a local DC anchor gave up her on-camera job to care for 13-month old twin girls she adopted from an orphanage in Ethiopia. I applaud that kind of love and dedication. My best wishes are with them all.

This time I have no questions, but I’m eager to hear your thoughts.


  1. Well speaking from experience.....I'm now one year in the know that I have infertility problems...and not a month goes by that I don't cry because of it. I don't have the funds to attempt IVF and time is of the essence, since with each passing year, my chances are lower even with IVF. So I truly understand other's attempts at parenthood, be it adoption stateside or abroad.

  2. I can also remember each pregnancy and every second of my labor and deliver of all three of my children. And even though it was so easy for me to get pregnant each and every time I wanted to adopt because I knew so many who were in the foster care system. I still want to adopt. I would not spend thousands of dollars on IVF, but I would take the ones nobody else wanted. There's nothing wrong with IVF, if that's what a person really want, but for me adoption would be the way to go.

  3. Yes, it very heartbreaking when you very much want to have a child with your husband and it just does not happen.

    One of the daughters of my best friend had tried for years to conceive a child and it just did not happen, She tried everything the doctor recommended - very costly and heart breaking.

    When she and her husband were going through this - her sister and friends were having children and she was always upbeat and supportive of others.

    It was the husband that suggested adopting the child because of the toll the IVR and other treatments were taking on her mentally and physically.

    This also was not an easy process but eventually they received word of a baby girl and now 10 years later all is well.

  4. This also was not an easy process but eventually they received word of a baby girl and now 10 years later all is well

    wow 10 years...God bless em!

  5. I know couples that try forever and nothing works, I know couples that have adopted and I know a couples that seem to multiple just by looking at each other... LOL. No matter what method is used, there is pain and emotions involved in every aspect of it. Expressions of LOVE and desire no matter how it is received or conceived is what matters most.


  6. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!