Good evening ladies and gentleman.
The first thing I want to do is to thank the hosts of this event for allowing me to be here tonight. I am the author of the book “Act like a lady think like a man”. And as you can see, I am not Steve Harvey
My name is Sharon P. Carson and I copyrighted the book: Act like a lady think like a man in 2004 and Steve Harvey’s book with the same title was published in 2009.
Let me say first of all that I have read Steve Harvey’s book, and I have no doubt that either he or someone involved in the writing or publishing of his book, read my book first and used it as a model for his by copying my title, my theme and my general format.
That someone knew that they had found a very profound title for a book; Act like a lady think like a man, and if they could find a message to fit that title, they could use the celebrity of Steve Harvey to sell it.
But in my view, they could not find a consistent message because they really did not really understand the title and they did not understand it because they did not originate it, they copied it.
I understand it because I originated it, - it came from my heart and not from my head.
ACT LIKE A LADY- THINK LIKE A MAN
Throughout Steve Harvey’s book, he tells women that they should “ACT LIKE A LADY’ But there is no place that I found in his book where he defines exactly what that means in context.
I can tell you, however, how it has been defined in my book.
And I quote: For me and the purposes of my book, acting like a lady has nothing to do with manicures, pedicures, high-heeled shoes or weekly hair do’s. A woman who acts like a lady is one who exudes self confidence. She accepts and appreciates who she is both inside and out. She respects herself and demands respect from her male counter part.
I also tried to convey that message through the books cover that I designed, that shows a woman in a boxing ring looking very much like she is ready to hold her own in any situation.
Now for the second part of the title: THINK LIKE A MAN
In Steve’s book the words THINK LIKE A MAN, seem to mean that; a woman needs to learn what a man thinks; in terms of his likes and dislikes in women.
Things like; credit, success, housekeeping, weight gain, smoking, and heels or flats among other things. The premise seems to be that if she meets the man’s expectations in these areas and others, he will provide her with that loving relationship she desires.
But when I placed the words THINK LIKE A MAN in the title, my intent was to deliver a message to women that they should be as tough minded in relationships as many men are.
A man once told me in one of my focus groups that the way a man gets over a woman is to go out and get another one.
But women as a whole don’t have this luxury or this mindset so it is typically harder for a woman to get over a man than it is for a man to get over a woman.
Women more often than not, tend to carry emotional scars from a failed relationship for longer periods of time and for some women for they carry them for the rest of their lives.
What are these scars…… anger, bitterness, distrust of men, vindictiveness and an inability to forgive. The internalization of these negative emotions will undoubtedly have a negative impact a woman’s attitude, personality, health, happiness and most certainly her future relationships.
I write in the book that in today’s world, women’s hearts are being broken over and over again as easily as eggs for an omelet and often without remorse or second thought.
I write that it is time for women to practice self love and tough love in relationships. They have to realize that they bring a lot to the table (no pun intended). But there are many women who have lost site of this and have unconsciously minimized their value and the men have become conscious of this and are maximizing their opportunities.
This is something in the book that is relative to this thought and its called a Diamond in the rough.
A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH
Why do women always talk about the need to find a man as though he is the diamond? You are the diamond! And you can polish yourself like a diamond by holding yourself in high esteem.
Have you ever noticed that some women, who in society’s view are not considered traditionally attractive, believe themselves to be attractive and they carry themselves that way, showing self confidence to everyone around them? As a young person might say, they believe that they “are all that and a bag of chips!”
It does not take long for those around these self-confident people to start seeing them in the same way they see themselves.
The bottom line is that others will value you only to the extent that you value yourself. Act like a diamond, believe you are a diamond, demand to be treated like a diamond and stop allowing men to treat you like cubic zirconium!
In these present times the word woman has almost become synonymous with a word the begins with a B and ends with an H.
But this trend can be reversed by women who decide to guard their self esteem, become mindful of their self worth, become protective their individuality, and unconditional their love for their inner and outer selves.
Because this is the mindset that a woman needs to have when she enters a relationship and and take with her if she has to exit one.
So does all this mean that men are being put down? No it is just means that the book is lifting women up!
Before Steve wrote: – WE (MEANING MEN) HAVE TO FEEL LIKE SOMEBODYS GOT OUR BACK, LIKE WER’E THE KING, EVEN IF WER’RE NOT
THE GOLDEN RULE OF RELATIONSHIPS IS THIS, IF YOU PLACE YOUR OWN VALUE IN A RELATIONSHIP BELOW THAT OF A MAN, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UP THE PRICE.
Before Steve wrote:
WHEN SHE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU SHE IS LOYAL TO YOU - SHE CAN’T SEE HERSELF WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE FOR HER NO ONE ELSE WILL DO….THATS A WOMANS LOVE
THIS IS WHAT HAS BEEN KEEPING WOMEN IN BAD RELATIONSHIPS; THEY THINK THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL DO THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD FOR HER
Then I wrote this relative chapter that is titled;
MINNIE HOLLER WALLER
You could have married someone from Minniehollerwaller …
Minniehollerwaller is an imaginary place, but it serves to prove a good point. Have you ever thought about the fact that most couples meet in their own state, city, or even neighborhood?
It is amazing how most women, who have been in relationships probably, met who they consider their perfect mate or partner right in the same neighborhood, city, school or social circles that they were already in. Is this a coincidence?
Let’s get real about it!
If you lived in Canada, you probably would have met and married a Canadian; in Texas, a Texan; in Chicago, a Chicagoan; in Australia, an Australian; in Brazil, a Brazilian; in Africa, an African and so on.
In other words, throughout this world you have many possibilities for a mate. You are just simply more likely to meet one within your immediate community or social circles.
Once you free yourself from thinking that there is only one man in the world for you, you will be free of the fear of losing that man and thinking that you will never find anyone to replace him.
Before Steve wrote this about a successful woman:
IF YOU’VE GOT YOR OWN MONEY YOUR OWN CAR YOUR OWN HOUSE, A BRINKS ALARM SYSTEM A PISTOL AND A GUARD DOG AND YOUR PRACTICALLY SHOUTING FROM THE ROOF THAT YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO PROVIDE FOR YOU OR TO PROTECT YOU, THEN WE WILL SEE NO NEED TO KEEP COMING AROUND.
AT SOME POINT YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BE THAT BIG OL STRONG LONELY WOMAN OR YOUR’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BACK DOWN AND JUST BE A LADY.
Turn Up the Heat
Negative men, like negative people in general, will try to pour water on your dreams. Some men are afraid of your success. They will focus on all of your faults to overshadow their own. Turn up the fire under your dreams so high that no one can pour on enough water to put them out.
And this also from a section called Sop the Pot
SOP THE POT...
Any good cook knows that the best flavor in a stew can be found lying in the bottom of the pot after most of the stew is gone. They use whatever is at their disposal – spoon, bread or fingers – and reach down into the bottom of the pot and scoop up what is left. This is called “sopping the pot.”
It’s time for women to sop the pot of their souls! The best part of you is not your outward appearance, as this will inevitably fade away. The best part of you is within you. You must reach down into the pot of your soul and rediscover the rich ingredients that make you unique – the things you like, the things that make you happy, your desires, ambitions and goals. Stir up all these wonderful substances that lie deep in the pot of your soul and move forward, realizing that that every day you live is the perfect day to do anything you want. By sopping the pot of your soul, you can have a feast for life.
Before Steve wrote:
If you’re telling your man you want a nose job and he sees nothing wrong with the nose you already have, then maybe you ought to think about leaving your nose alone, why run the risk of something going wrong when your man is already happy with the way you look. Why lose the extra weight if your man is happy with you the way you are?
HE WANTS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT
If you are overweight, losing weight is a wonderful idea for many reasons, including your health. When you embark on a weight-loss program, however, do it because it is something you want to do and not just to please the man in your life. If it makes him happy in the process, that's great, but he might think you need to lose 50 pounds and you would be happy with 5.
The most important thing is for you to be happy with yourself and to make changes based on factors that are important to you and how you want to look and feel.
For some women it is more important to walk, talk, look, dress and think the way the man in their life wants them to, rather than to please themselves.
In the end, these women often become someone they hate in order to please someone they think they love.
And in Steves 90 day rule:
He writes that a woman SHOULD GIVE A MAN A 90 DAY PROBATIONARY PERIOD BEFORE she gives him some benefits
HE SAID HE GOT THE IDEA FROM WORKING FOR FORD MOTOR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU HAD TO WAIT 90 DAYS BEFORE YOU GOT SOME BENEFITS.
How can we as women let a Ford Motor company analogy determine how long we should wait before we give up something that is tied to our very souls? Something that when lost for the first time can never be found.
And before Steve wrote that, I wrote this:
I titled it A WORD TO THE WISE, and its a conversation between a young woman and an old woman.
A WORD TO THE WISE
The young girl said, “I can live with a man before he says, “I do.”
The old woman said, “He’ll eat all the meat and potatoes out of your stew.”
The young girl said, “I know one day he’ll surely marry me.”
The old woman said, “Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?”
The young girl said, “The times have changed; there are things you just don’t know.”
The old woman said, “Child, where you’re going, I’ve been there long before.”
The young girl said, “I love the man and good men are very few.”
The old woman said, “That’s just because of women just like you.”
You see my child; the nature of a man is the same since Adam’s time.
A man has never valued that which is plenteous and easy to find.
When you become that rare young one with values all your own
And for the sake of Godliness, prepared to go it alone.
Then God will send that special one into your life one day
And for you there won’t be any price he’s not prepared to pay.
In conclusion – I want to say that I am keenly aware that if most people have a choice of two books with the same title, and one is a little self published paper back by an unknown author, with a picture of a woman in a boxing ring on the cover and one has a nice dust jacket with a picture of a popular celebrity like Steve Harvey on it, without knowing what is inside, they are most likely to opt for the latter.
But in spite of this, I will continue to promote my book and the God given messages in it because it lifts women up and in the end it lifts him up.
And let me say again in closing that the over arching message of my book is this:
It is time for women to move from pain to gain. It is time for women to practice self love and tough love in relationships. It is time for women to realize that they are complete with a man and complete without a man.
It is time for women to take their lives off hold and stop waiting for that perfect, man that perfect body that perfect time and that perfect anything they feel they need before they can consider themselves truly happy.
I leave you with this poem from the book that I wrote, it is entitled: WAITING TO BE HAPPY
"WAITING TO BE HAPPY"
I can't wait till my kids are grown and on their own
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I can’t wait till my bills are paid or my hair is laid,
I can’t wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till I lose some weight, get a date, find a mate
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till someone smiles at me
or sees the things I wish they'd see
or till I become what I want to be.
I can't wait for time and chance
a new romance
someone to ask before I dine and dance.
I can't wait on a win, a kin, a friend,
or for my ship to come in.
I must be happy whatever state I'm in.
I can't wait for a wrong to right
or a reason to forgive.
I can't hold a grudge for life.
I must move on and live.
A merry heart is good, I know
And health to all my bones.
I can't let my body down
through tears and fears and moans.
This is the day the Lord has made
in it I will rejoice and be glad.
I refuse to wait for a perfect state
and spend my life being sad.
CHECK OUT THESE OTHER POSTS ON THIS TOPIC:
- Steve Harvey Discusses Sharon P. Carson and her book on his morning show
- HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM: Steve Harvey is not the first to write a book called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
- Video: Sharon P. Carson Discussing Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man