Oct 13, 2010

I want to take this time and apologize to the one person I seem to always find a way to hurt the most.  I've been thinking for a long time about what I would actually say once I got  up the nerve to utter the words, "I'm sorry."  I had to be sure that it didn't come across as some cliche' filled speech that sound like I practiced it in the mirror a couple hundred times, but rather it was something sincere that genuinely came from the heart.  So here it is---My Apology to myself.
 
First, let me start by telling you that I love you more than anything in this world.  I know that I don't show it as often as I should, but please believe me when I say it because I honestly do mean it.  I love you.  You are the most important person to me and I thought it was about time that I showed you by first apologizing to you for all the hateful things I've done to you.
 
I want to apologize for all those bad relationships I got you caught up in.  I want to apologize for Robert, Chuck, Jamine, Ronald, Cory, and George.  Especially George.  My instincts always told me something wasn't right, but instead of listening I just allowed you to enter a situation that I knew was a disaster from the beginning.  I knew you deserved better, but yet I was so blinded by my own selfish needs that I allowed you to become collateral damage in my pursuit for love and happiness.  I hurt you over and over again and never once did I hold myself accountable for the role that I played in your sadness.  I never had the courage to accept some of the blame.
 
I apologize for the times that I didn't appreciate your beauty or when I ignored your glorious smile.  I apologize for always comparing you to the next woman instead of appreciating your uniqueness and the brilliance that is your mind.  I apologize for spending most of my time focusing on your weaknesses than on your strengths.  Somehow I always managed to place a spotlight on your shortcomings instead of uplifting your achievements.
 
I apologize for all the times I thought you weren't good enough when the truth of the matter is that you are more than enough.  For tearing you down when I should have been building you up.  I'm sorry for all the self inflicted wounds I delivered.  For this I truly am sorry.  I've hurt you so many times that honestly I may not be worthy of your forgiveness, but I have to try anyway.   
 
I need us to start anew and hopefully wash the slate clean.  I know this might not be the easiest thing for you to do, but I honestly hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.  I promise to do better and be better to you and for you.  I promise to give this relationship my all and do everything within my power to protect you.  I promise to be a better me so hopefully that means you can be a better you.  
 
I'm Sorry... 
 
 

2 comments:

Post a Comment