Jan 13, 2011

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself?  Man, don't I wish I could do that exact thing.  I wish I could go back 14 years and have a sit down dinner with 16 year old me.  I'm sure we would talk about the obvious things first.  The conversation would probably go something like this:
16 year old me: Shut up!  A black man for real.
30 year old me: Yes, it's true a black man will become President in 2008 and his name really is Barack Obama.
16 year old me: I don't believe you!
30 year old me: 'I'm serious Michael Jackson is really gonna die in 2009...no seriously.  I wouldn't make that up I know how much you love him.
Then we would venture to some superficial things such as the fact I'm rocking bangs now which is something I swore I would never do or the fact that I actually learned how to apply make-up (properly).  I was a complete mess at 16.  I look at some pictures of myself and just cringe from the god-awfulness...LOL!!! 
I'll stay away from the details such as the deaths of my Uncle Mike in 2009 and my Aunt Lorraine in 2010.  And I definitely would stay away from the fact that my best friend Ron is going to be murdered in 2004.  Those three things would be a little too much for my 16 year old self to handle.  Hell, I can barely deal with them now so I wouldn't want to place that burden on the fragile shoulders of my 16 year old self.
Finally, we'll get to the purpose of my trip.  I'll tell my 16 year old self that all the things that seem massively important now are not going to be as important when she turns 30.  I'll tell her that time really will mend her broken heart.  She'll forever think about her first love, but eventually she'll get over him and be able to move on; besides, there are some wonderful men out there in the world and she is going to have the opportunity to meet a few of them.  People are going to talk about her because that is what 'street committee' does, but these things will not break her.  As a matter of fact it only makes her stronger and more determined.
I will share with her some of the 'things I know for sure' such as it's okay to forgive her father.  It's best she learn this lesson now instead of later on in life.  Forgiveness is not for the other person but rather it's for you.  Learning this will save her a lot of heartache in the future.
I will hug her tight and tell her that the person she is, is more and has always been more than enough and she should never allow others to make her question her worth.  I will tell her not to worry about when people say she is too sensitive because it is her sensitivity and compassion that transform her into the person she will become.
I will tell her that once she gets her heart broken it's okay to love again.  It may seem like an insurmountable obstacle at first, but as always she'll be able to conquer it.  She needs to know it's okay to open herself up to the possibility of love again.
In closing of my trip, I will share with her that it's okay to doubt herself at times, but it's important that she doesn't allow doubt to be her 'master'.  She is the architect of her fate and she'll turn out to be one hell of a woman if I do say so myself.
So, if you had a chance to go back in time and have a conversation with yourself what would you say? 

1 comment:

  1. If I could go back, I would tell myself something I just took to heart from one of Maya Angelou's books. It goes something like this. If I admit to myself, and understand that, I am not obliged to know everything; it is sufficient to know what I know; and that what I know, may not always be true. That statement could have release me from so many thoughts that intrude my mind daily. One of those things that you tell yourself, "If I had known; what I now know; life would have been so different."