May 9, 2011

I had a really close friend, who happens to be a gay man, ask me this question.  At first, I had to admit it caught me off guard.  I pride myself in being one of the most open-minded people that I know, but even I couldn't be open-minded on this one.  I tried my best to come up with a political correct answer, but even then I knew I was not being true to myself if I gave him that answer.  So I did the only thing I could do, I responded with a resounding, "I would break up with him" as my answer.  I guess that was not the answer he was expecting to come from a gay-loving female such as myself because the phone line went completely silent.  Before I had a chance to explain myself, he quickly hit me with the dreaded question as to WHY?
In that moment I came up with a lot of answers such as 'a woman can't compete with a man', but the truth of the matter is that if my man slept with other men I would not be able to look at him the same.  I'm not saying that it's either right or wrong but it really is the right answer for me.  I would never be able to look at my man the same.  It would not make him more or less of a man in my eyes it would just make him less of my man.  It's a situation that I can honestly say I'm not prepared to deal with.  I'm not evolved enough to be with a man that's had relations with another man.
Maybe that makes me a bad person because I demand that a man is honest with me about his past relationships only to then use that information to break up with him.  I think that should be my perogative.  If what you tell me is something I can't deal with then that should be my choice.  Whether you like my answer or not, it should still be my choice and not something you keep from me.
Although I am well aware that men are more accepting of being with a woman who has been with another woman, the same cannot be said of women (or at least the women I know).  I really don't know why that is but I would love to hear your take on this scenario.
What Would You Do If Your Man Told You He Had Been Intimate with Other Men? 


  1. Having “My” man tell me he has been with other men would definitely be a deal breaker. I think that intimacy is a personal way of communicating with a person who you want to be with. If a man wants or ever wanted to communicate with another man in that way would make me wonder if he could ever be faithful to me or any other woman, because men and women are very different in the way they communicate with their mouths and their bodies. So a man, who could communicate with a man intimately. and then say I now want to be intimate with you, is lying to you and to himself. The man who says that with his mouth, needs some serious counseling, because either he is selfish or confused and either one makes for a bad relationship.

  2. I would thank him for his honesty and respectfully dissolve the relationship. Just as he has a choice of being with me or another man, I'd require a similar choice: a fully heterosexual man or a bisexual man.

  3. I would curse him out, then divorce his nasty behind and never speak to him again. I am NOT accepting of the gay lifestyle, ways, or community and I would be even more pissed that he lied to me. It would be over.