Jun 8, 2012

Evelyn Lozada, star of the 'Basketball Wives', pen an open letter to her seven year old self.  In the letter, she shares the a-ha moment that cause her to re-evaluate her behavior on the hit show. 

Along with Tami Roman, Evelyn has been at the center of  the controversy storm when it comes to the behavior that has taken place on the show.  The show has drawn a lot of criticism from all corners because of its depiction of women of color.

Whether or not you doubt Evelyn's sincerity, I believe she is being sincere.  I don't think the behavior on the show represents the totality of who she is as a person.  I'm not trying to defend her, nor am I trying to crucify her either.  She's human just like all of us.

Let's just hope she's learned from her experience.

From the Desk of Evelyn Lozada
Dear Mija,
In exactly twenty-nine years you’re going to find yourself at the middle of a mess that you unwillingly helped to create… You’re going to be the topic of a discussion about women on a national level that won’t be one of your proudest moments. And as large as your life may be at that time, the truth is that you’re going to feel painfully small.
You’ll look through the rearview mirror of your life and see a mountain of mistakes. You’ll realize that although it appears that you’re living out a dream, your seven year old self could never picture this near nightmare at thirty-six. You’ll remember the days when you drowned out the fighting and drama in your own house and the negativity of the women you loved who ultimately shape who you will become. You’ll recall the moments when you sat in front of the television each day after school in search of someone positive and found Oprah and wondered if people like her would ever be a part of your life, or if you’d always have the jaded ones you watched on Jerry Springer.
You’ll make no excuses for your actions, as a matter of fact, you’ll find yourself in tears at the Ah-ha moment Star Jones forces you to have. Beyond what you’ll initially perceive as a malicious attack by Star, lives a hard truth that will shake you to your core. YOU are the little girl, she’s talking about. And it hadn’t dawned on you the effects that your grown-up actions were having on the next generation of little ones who watch negative and abusive moments unfold on television.
It’ll take the moment when you see and hear your future step-daughters pretending to be “you” after watching you behave badly on T.V., that you’ll actually feel real shame. Knowing that the self image they were imitating was the very ‘image of self’ you will so desperately try to escape. In utter embarrassment you’ll find yourself explaining your unacceptable behavior to them, reaching for the imprint of encouragement felt by Star, Oprah, our First Lady Michelle Obama and other positive women of color that have gone before you and that are prayerfully standing behind you…encouraging you…willing you to stand in the space God will so graciously provide for you.” It’ll be the wakeup call you need.
Until now, you’d never put a race, or face or even an age to the eyes that idolize you or see you as an example: be it good or bad. And although, conscious now, you’ll carry the fear of failure with you each second because deep down, you’ll realize that you yourself had never been taught better.
I cannot promise you perfection, Mija. I cannot say that overnight, I’m going to get it right every time. What I will promise you is that I will always remain conscious that little eyes like yours are watching me and because of that, I will try to be better.
Learning To Love You More,

1 comment:

  1. Sincerity is hard to measure as I do not know what is in a person's heart. I believe alot of people have spoken out against the show and are finally being heard. The complaints started a long time ago, so why now is there a supposed change of direction? I watched the reunion show and I listed carefully to Shaunie's statements. She said that she has met with her partners and they are bringing balance to the show. What is balance? So you physically fight for 30 minutes and then volunteer at a women's shelter for the remaining 30 minutes? That is what I imagine when she says balance. To me this is even worse. It says as long as you are charitable every now and then, you can be an utter fool the rest of the time. How about no fighting period? To me the proof is in the pudding? Tami went to therapy but still acted up. I understand that working through issues is a process. Well take your tail off of tv and work on yourself. The show producers aren't thinking about your mental health. If you are willing to fight, they are more than willing to film it and air it regardless of the desire to be a better person.

    To me it sounds like someone helped her write this letter. Which in and of itself is fine but since she has publicly released this letter, is she now going to be accountable. The last paragraph says it all to me. She can't promise perfection and that she will get not right every time. She will TRY to do better. She's given herself an out. In short, I will believe it when I see it. There are too many examples of folks knowing the right thing to do and then doing the exact opposite. She knows what's right, but the attention and money she has garnered dictates that she behave badly.